imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
