Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
