Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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