I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
