sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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