I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
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No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.