your parents love me but you hate me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
