Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy