Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...