i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.