If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS