I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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