Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
