So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
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I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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