I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
