Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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