U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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