maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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