i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
