I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
