yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
