even my farts smell like vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
