just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
