I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
