she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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