Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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