he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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