Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
