we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
