Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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