Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
