It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
