i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
