id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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