You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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