I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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