Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
