I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.