I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell