i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
