apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
