the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
