I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
