the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
