Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
