I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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