i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
