the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
