Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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