Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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