Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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