I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
