you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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