Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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