no, he came in my armpit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
