sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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