I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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