I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
