I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you had me at cake vodka
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
