what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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