Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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