Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
