When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
