Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
