What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
