I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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