maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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