I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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