listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
