I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
