If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There r osticjed everywhere
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
