You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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