I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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