If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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