She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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