pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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