using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
