hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
