so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
