she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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