Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
did you just send me my own nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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