Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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