In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Welp...herpes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
