my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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