remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
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I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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