Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
