quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
