respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Watching her eat just hurts me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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