I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
