my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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